By: Dennis Krell – Let’s keep this simple, well Gear Patrol asked me to keep it simple so I won’t bore you with details about pores, pollutants or other medical terms. They wanted me to give you a list and so here it goes. We’ll talk about the products you need to buy in the second part of my post later this week, so long as the editors don’t throw away this post for my profanity.
1. Clean your damn face. Your skin is a lot more oily than the ladies. It doesn’t help that you probably participate in activities that exacerbate that problem and so that being the case, you’ve got to clean up. Use cleansing products that are chemical-free. Somewhere earlier on Gear Patrol they talked about Irish Spring [editors note: That was here and here, we apologize for the repeat] and all I can say is you just best keep that shit on the soap tray and use it to clean your body. Not your face. Also, use some type of scrub on your face. The first several times you do this you may not like it. It’ll feel like you’re rubbing your face on wet sand, not so much a woman’s bosom. The scrub will help rejuvenate your face by removing dead cells.
2. Moisturize, and be gay about it. It sounds far more feminine than you want, and the word alone conveys all kinds of dirty thoughts, but it’s crucial that you do. You need to moisturize your face and it needs to be a product specifically catered to the face area. That Lubriderm you have sitting around in your bathroom (we don’t need to know why you have it, we all know why you have it) isn’t going to make the grade. Keep it light. Oh, and the reason why there are so many fucking eye creams out now is because the area under your eye does not secrete any of it’s own oils. Hence, the first area to show age on your face. Use specific eye creams as they are even lighter than facial lotions. They may also contain caffeine or green tea extracts to assist. Sound gay? Keep reading…
Dennis’ final steps and biography after the jump.
3. Treat and Protect If your face is oily, dry or goes to both extremes depending on what season it is then you need to be twice as careful. You should exfoliate using a scrub, like I mentioned in step 1, no matter what your skin type is. If you shave regularly then you need to moisturize directly afterward. Shave then follow-up with after-shave lotion. Always. Always. Shaving in the car on the way to work is fine, just so long as it’s because you got laid the night before and you keep after shave lotion in the glove compartment. Don’t forget the razer though. If a lady finds that you just have moisturizer alone in the glove compartment I can guarantee you no second dates. Oh, and it shouldn’t contain alcohol. That Aqua Velve your dad gave you needs to go into the rubbish, now. Do it… I’m waiting.
Wrap Up To keep your skin healthy, remember to avoid an excesss of sun. That might be tough if you’re trying to do everything these guys at Gear Patrol expect you to, but if you can wear sunblock when you’re out then do it. SPF15 at all times if you’re outdoors a lot. Stronger if you’re in stronger sun, obviously. This goes without saying, but you need to stay in shape. Exercise helps your capillaries work harder to get oxygen to the tissue. Notice how skin always feels like shit after you have six Guinness car bombs the night before? It’s because you lack oxygen in your skin. Keep your diet chock full of Vitamin C, and E if you can. That’s about it. I’ve probably exceeded the number of words Gear Patrol asked me to keep this in, but tough.
Now, I’ve got to go back to being a dermatologist. Ooo, but you didn’t expect that now did you.
Dennis Krell is a bit of an ass. He’s also got a face that looks twice as good as yours, no zits, no breakouts, nothing. It’s as smooth as a Sarah Shahi’s chest. His perfectly groomed 5 o’clock shadow puts Matthew Fox’s (from Lost) to shame. He’s also not as whiny. Oh, and he’s been a practicing dermatologist for 7 years – how about them apples.