Looking like wall art that’s collided with a Cheesecake Factory entrée-sized salad, the GroVert Chalkboard Wall Planter ($130) is an apartment-bound green thumb’s dream. Mounted vertically on any wall (avoid the bathroom), the three-in-one planter provides a fresh herb garden without the plot O’land. Gardeners tend to be a fastidious lot, so the GroVert includes a chalkboard space to mark what herbs you’re growing, or even what dish you’ll use them for. It also informs marveling guests, and perhaps DEA agents, that it is indeed oregano sprouting miraculously from your drywall.

The GroVert comes with 10 planting cells and a moisture mat to uniformly water the herbscape; irrigation trickles from the top down (just like bulls**t and some current political theories) and the excess easily collects in the runoff tray made of recycled jute and coconut fiber. The FSC-certified pine frame is built by the ever-crafty Amish. Now, just focus on keeping your foodie friends from pushing their faces into it to get a whiff.

Buy Now: $130