You live a life of relative anonymity. The 6:00 alarm goes off and you stumble your way to the bathroom for the three Ss (shit, shower, shave). You put on the regimental striped necktie over your adventurous light blue dress shirt. And here comes the worst part. You drive to your thrilling job in your eight-year-old gold Toyota Camry. Whose idea was that?
Not so secretly, you long for more. Your neighbor’s tree that’s dangling over your garden? You want to cut it down with this in broad daylight. You want to stop cooking cocktail weenies on your Smokey Joe and grill a fat pig on this. But your one true burgeoning desire is to throw that horrid vintage Camry into a crusher and then drop by the car dealership to put a deposit on the a brand new, pavement-ripping, environmentally unconscionable screaming yellow Corvette Z07 because it’s who you truly are inside. It’s your one chance to express yourself on four wheels. But maybe that Corvette isn’t quite right for you. Check the scientific diagram above and follow the path to the wheeled monster that best expresses who you are in that pulsing animal heart of yours.