“Teen too young for ‘come hither’ pose? or “Colossal squid has soccer-ball eyes.”

The t-shirt craze has made its way onto the prestigious news network site where you can have select headlines printed on t-shirts. “40-lb. Hunk Of Metal Hits Driver In Face” for some reason makes me laugh. If you don’t already know CNN has garnered some satirical press for their extraordinarily truncated Latest News headlines. Just look for the t-shirt icon for headlines you can order.

What this means to you: Sartorial genius.

Cost: $15 @ CNN Shirt Store

Green or not these are pretty damn cool er, hot. The English company IDC announced in a recent press release that they will be mass-producing an inflatable solar panel and make it available for roughly $200.

Called the SolarStore, the panel will inflate into a 2 meter rectangular shape from a backpack and have the capacity to heat three full tanks of water, paying for itself within six months. Their primary targets are developing nations, but what’s to say you can’t throw one of these and ready yourself for the next blackout. Summer’s coming California. [via Ecofriend]

Cost: $200

I’ve never been much of a case man and every phone I have owned has been rocked with no protection and have the battle scars to prove it. Last year I bought an iPhone and until last weekend, never sported a case for it, until I walked into an Apple store and sighted the Incase Slider. The case was sleek and looked like it belonged on the phone from day one. It even passed my little OCD test of slipping into my pocket and pulling it out with flying colors.

The main reason I’m writing about this phone case, is to tell you that it’s the real deal in protection for your precious iPhone. This weekend I was out riding my bike and to make a long story short, my iPhone flew out of my tank mounted bag while I was doing about 70mph. The second that happened I thought my phone was done. Combing the highway my phone was not to be found Later that night I went back with a flash light and low a behold, there was my iPhone… sitting there, still operational and the case still intact with some substantial battle scars.

For the finest in sleek, durable protection, the ultra slim Slider Case for iPhone is made of hardshell plastic and features a minimal wall thickness of 1mm. Interior rubber guardrails provide shock absorption in addition to impact and scratch protection and the removable bottom cover makes for easy dock connection. The case comes in Glossy black, white and a rubberized black matte finishes.

Cost: $35 @ Incase

The editors of Gear Patrol are starting a new weekly series called Gear Patrol Protocol: Rules, Regulations and Required Advice.

GP Protocol is a compilation of sage advice, man-rules and occasional satirical yet critical counsel we’ve come across in our dealings with the male lifestyle. Of course this doesn’t mean we’re forcing our opinions on you, we want to hear from you. If you have any words of wisdom to share, drop us an email or use our contact form.

Got advice on how not be a douchebag? Have a tip on taking three strokes off your short game? Know how to bag a woman in fourty-seven seconds? Got a guaranteed method to take down a guy down in a fistfight?

Well, it’s time to be heard. Let Gear Patrol be your forum.

Men don’t usually think about diamonds. When we do it usually means we’re about to do something obtuse (think marriage), or we need to make up for something even more obtuse (think Kobe Bryant). But diamonds don’t just have to be a gift for that special someone. Men can sport diamonds too. No, I’m not talking about iced out grilles or blinged out chains. I’m talking about raw diamond cufflinks; the kind of cufflinks that that exude subtle sophistication; the kind of cufflinks that set you apart from every other suit in the room.

Since 1992, Todd Reed has specialized in raw diamond jewelry and now his collection includes cufflinks. Each cufflink is hand made in Todd’s Colorado studio, where he and his nine employees set raw diamonds in recycled gold or oxidized sterling silver. The diamonds are sourced from reputable vendors locally and from around the world.

The raw diamond look lets you standout without being flashy. Or as Todd Reed says, “Our raw look creates a very masculine jewel for even the most understated gentleman.” So forget all you know about the four C’s of diamond buying, and get yourself a pair.

(ED: The pictures don’t do these cufflinks justice. I’ve seen several pairs in person, and it took a lot of will not to run out the door with them)

Cost: $6,000+ @ Todd Reed

The Canon Powershot G9 is not a brand new camera. It’s not the smallest or lightest camera but that’s not it’s purpose. The Powershot G9 is for ambitious photographers and amateurs that care about taking superb photographs, not the flat colorless crap you get from point-and-shoots that claim to take double digit megapixel images.

Not that the Powershot G9 won’t do double-digit megapixel images. It will, in glorious 12.1 megapixel resolution. It also has a 6x optical zoom with Optical Image Stabilizer and RAW mode for unadulterated photographs processed through Canon’s Digic III processor. Face Detection 9-point autofocus, 25 different shooting modes and a 3-inch PureColor LCD II display round out the other features.

What can’t be explained here is just how good this camera feels in your hand. I personally shoot an SLR camera (Canon 400D) and actually find myself craving the metal and heavy-gauge plastic found on the Canon G9. It feels like a rock in your hand and for those of you who care anything at all about photography you’ll know this is a good thing.

Don’t just take my word for it, see reviews for the Powershot G9.

Cost: $470 @ B&H

The Alti Chrono TI by Nike is a great watch for guy’s looking for a unique timepiece that’s classic in looks and rugged in functionality. The case is made of solid titanium with an analog altimeter with (up-to) 5000m altitude accurate within one meter increments.

The chronograph will tracks 1/20th second increments up to the first minute-after one minute. The face is protected by a scratch-resistant sapphire crystal and is water resistant up to 200m.

As a limited edition watch, there are only 1,002 pieces being created. Each unit is satmped with a unique number and features four Lance Armstrong icons engraved on the back.

Cost: $599 @ NikeStore

[click on image to enlarge]

I read magazines back to front. It’s a peculiar quirk of mine and there is no explanation. Sometimes it yields surprises - like the arrival of this month’s issue of Men’s Vogue. When I opened the back cover I was greeted with a fold out of the Massimo Vignelli designed 1972 New York subway map. For those of you who have visited or know of the current New York subway map then you will know that it is a convoluted mess, at best. The decision in 1979 to go with a literal design versus an infogram design was a terrible choice that’s confused locals and tourists alike for the past three decades.

The Vignelli Designs commissioned map is an updated interpretation of the existing NY map created in a limited edition of 500 pieces and signed by Massimo Vignelli himself. It is 36×45 inches and printed on 80# Mohawk superfine, ultrawhite eggshell cover. The 1972 map recalls the look of the much hailed 1930’s designed London Underground map.

What this means to you: Buy it. Frame it. Be Mesmerized.

Cost: $299 @ CondeNast Store

[click on image to enlarge]

You’re looking at the oh-nine Audi S3 Sportback, a personal favorite.

Slightly larger than the outgoing model, the S3 (and A3) now carry the new front-end that has made it’s way through the Audi line-up since the inception of the R8, including the love-it or hate-it LED bi-xenon headlights. The new S3 also features new interior trim, new adaptive-action shock absorber control (Audi Magnetic Ride), front and rear parking system, and 265 hp two-liter turbo bahnstormer that will take the S3’s five passengers and gear from zero to 60 in 5.8 seconds.

Image of interior after the jump.

Cost: ~$32,000 (starting) @ Audi

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If you haven’t been living in a cave then you know that Grand Theft Auto IV is the fourth installment of Rockstar Games popular series. GTA IV has you playing the role of Niko Bellic, an immigrant straight off the boat from Eastern Europe. Niko is convinced by his cousin to cross the pond and join him in his cushy mansion and life of luxury. Of course that wouldn’t be any fun… you as Niko soon find out that achieve the true ‘American Dream’, you have to hustle to make that paper.

GTA IV brings you to Liberty City, a land of opportunity if you’re willing to crack some heads. Rockstar has gone all out with new revamped graphics and supurb attention to detail. Liberty City now consists of four new boroughs, plus an extra area outside of Liberty City. You’ll have the opportunity to climb around and an array of vehicles at your disposal. (More after the jump)

Cost: $60 @ Amazon XBox or PS3

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