It’ll Carry Everything But The Kids

Whether you know it or not, there is a condition that you (a guy) have in common with your average American baby.

The scientists here at GP Labs call it Stuffus Overloadicus. The basic gist of the Latin phrase says, “You’ve got too much damn stuff.” It would seem that we aren’t the first to diagnose this issue, as we’ve learned that Scott and John of Dad Gear have been working feverishly for the last few years to find storage solutions for those men who happen to be dads (and for dads who just so happen to be men).

It is in that spirit that we present to you the Dad Gear Messenger Bag. Like many of Gear Patrol’s favorite products, the DGMB is chock full of features. So many, in fact, it requires a bloody chart to enumerate its greatness.

Dad Gear asked Gear Patrol to put the DGMB through its paces; little did they know that I specialize in torture testing baby gear.

My assistant, a rambunctious 16 month old, is an up and coming review star herself (Ed: who also happens to be Dusty’s daughter). Our research confirms that the bag has ample space for whatever you and your kiddo(s) need to tote, both from a volumetric and pocket separator standpoint.

In any other execution, the integrated changing pad and wipe dispenser might have been little more than gimmicks, but quality construction and thoughtful design makes them immanently useful. Having been caught unaware in the park by an unexpected deluge whilst shouldering the bag, I was pleased to find its material highly water resistant. The inside boasts the same property, which make for easy clean-up should any of your contents get loose.

Perhaps most impressive, this is a great looking bag. This GP dad chose the retro stripe orange (of course), and his visual faculties were not disappointed. You’ll find a wide variety of colors and designs at Dad Gear. They even offer a limited selection of exclusive one-of-a-kind bags made from recycled billboards. Incredible.

What this means to you: When innovators take a decidedly uncool product and reincarnate it as a piece of GP-worthy kit, we like to take notice. Dad Gear’s bags can definitely make you forget you’ve got a satchel of dirties slung over your shoulder. This is the evolution of the diaper bag.

Cost: $82-$99

Tired? Upgrade The Way You Sleep.

Most people I know tend to fall into one of two categories with regards to sleep: deprived folks who revere sleep as a lusted after indulgence or the highly motivated individuals for whom sleep is a necessary evil interrupting their plans. Regardless of where you lie on that spectrum, years of combined anecdotal Gear Patrol research have proven one theory true for all mankind. Without good sleep, man cannot function well. Luckily, the ingenious boys and girls over at pzizz have engineered a very sound (double-entendre) solution to your sorry slumber situation.

Pzizz is a software application designed to help the average Joe fall asleep faster, sleep better, and awake in a positive, refreshed state. The software is downloadable, available for both Mac and Windows, and features a module for power naps (the energizer module) and night time (the sleep module). Push play on pzizz and you’ll get a sleepy-time sound track mixed fresh (as in different every time) featuring voice, music, and sounds all harmoniously striving to knock you out without the aid of habit-forming drugs or a sharp blow to the head. You can pore over all the specifics on their website, but here’s the condensed version: it’s mind control. More after the jump.
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From the SEC to the PAC 10 and at every Podunk U in between, you’ll find that the most rabid, ravenous fans begin to show their team pride long before kickoff. The true fan prepares his parking lot conquest with the dedication and abandon of a coach who knows he’s one loss away from getting canned (ahem, Tennessee). The lesson here: be prepared.

Gear Patrol already established that Jim Beam belongs in the upper echelon of high achieving Kentuckians, right alongside the likes of Colonel Sanders. Now the good folks that bring you bottles of smooth Bourbon allow you to tote all of your grilling and chilling gear in one tidy package. The JBCGS, as I fondly call it, pairs a cooler for ice, beverages, and/or meat along with a personal size grill and some essential utensils. Take it from me, the best way to endure a brutal loss handed your team by its arch-rival (see: Florida versus Tennessee) is to make certain that you are full and happy before the game ever starts. Thanks to the Jim Beam Cooler and Grill Set, you can do just that. For cheap.

Cost: $35 @ Amazon

Also see: M Custom Grill Grates

Rejoice Ye Fans Of Fake Instruments

Headlining this week’s lineup of video game releases is the mother of all rhythmic cash cows, Rock Band 2. From the “don’t knock it ‘till you’ve tried it department,” there’s simply no better way to take a failed evening plan and turn into a rollicking good time. Every man should keep a closet full of sturdy plastic instruments and a stash of adult refreshments handy, if only to save your buddies from the curse of unforeseen boredom.

Rock Band’s sophomore effort keeps with what worked the first time out (primarily a massive and varied library of wail-worthy master recordings) and responds to popular demand by making improvements to the instruments and to the in-game experience. The drum kit boasts some of the most remarkable upgrades including quieter, velocity sensitive drum heads, wireless connectivity, an add-on port for the forthcoming cymbal kit, and a training mode that offers to coach you in the ways of ACTUAL drumming.

Devotees to the original game who accounted for around 10 million track downloads needn’t hesitate to re-up, as Rock Band 2 is fully compatible with nearly all the included and downloadable songs available for its predecessor. The game and standalone instruments are shipping for Xbox 360. The special edition bundles featuring all the instruments are on tap for an October release. Playstation 3 and Wii owners will get in on the action at that point. No more excuses. Get to work on naming your band immediately.

Cost: Xbox 360 ($60) | Xbox 360 Special Edition $190 | PS3 ($60) | PS3 Special Edition ($190) | Wii ($50) | Wii Special Edition ($190)

Also See: Rock Band Drum Silencers ($17) - Because honestly, the thwack-thwack of those plastic drums really does get on people’s nerves.

Never Has Flooring Induced So Much Garage Envy

A whole new level of garage gear obsession. [click on image to enlarge]

If you are anything like me, then your garage serves as a multifunctional part of your home. It’s a place to park your vehicles, store your tools, hide your toys, and, just maybe, hide yourself. If your garage is anything like my garage, then its floor looks like absolute crap. Enter Swisstrax.

Originally hailing from Switzerland but now manufactured in California, Swisstrax represents Gear Patrol’s new favorite innovation from the neutral nation, coming out of nowhere to unseat Ricola cough drops and holey cheese. Swisstrax offers six different styles of tile, some of which are available in fourteen different colors. Even better, their website features a floor designer whereby you can layout a custom floor and easily order all the pieces you’ll need. Here’s a tip: the square tiles lend themselves perfectly to oversized renderings of your favorite 8-bit game characters (think Mario, the size of a Mazda).

Their various designs suit garages, workout rooms, airplane hangars, and more. Each tile features a hefty complement of snap locks to secure it to its brethren, and a four point injection molding process that allows a Swisstrax floor to withstand up to 40,000 pounds of roll-over compression. Even if you could overwhelm this floor system with the sheer bulk of your man-toys, you’d be backed by a 12 year warranty. My favorite feature is simply a function of the tiles interlocking design. Unlike other floor coatings and coverings, the tiles are inherently portable and reusable. Consider me impressed.

The best way to test garage flooring, get a Ferrari F430. [Courtesy: Swisstrax]

Gear Patrol Hands-On: GP procured Swisstrax floor tiling for hands-on testing. We pinched, pulled, stomped, and even bit the Swisstrax with all of our combined might. Nary a scratch was made. Conclusion: this is one tough tile.

Cost: $3.95 per sq ft @ Swisstrax

No Quarters Required

Windmills. Tulips. Wooden shoes. These items may represent your estimation of Dutch life and culture. Allow me to disabuse you of the notion that no GP-worthy innovation has come from that low-lying pastoral wonderland known as the Netherlands. For years, we (I) have been dreaming of a way to play the arcade and console classics of yesteryear in a manner befitting their original button-mashing glory. It would seem that the anguished cries emanating from the corridors here at Gear Patrol HQ have been heard by a young Dutchman, named Martijn Koch. His answer: retro space.

Paying homage to the first coin-operated arcade cabinet, “Computer Space” which debuted in 1971, retro space fearlessly collides a nostalgic design with the latest in construction and gaming hardware. This sleek beast will satiate your hunger for audio/visual stimulation by way of a 24 inch 1080p LCD display married to 200 watts of audiophile quality sound. The cabinet is precision milled, offered in a variety of slick hues, and features an anodized aluminum control panel to support and cool your sweaty mitts. Add to that the brains to emulate over 100 licensed arcade classics or your collection of 8 and 16 bit ROMS and you’ve got yourself a veritable retro-game-gasm.

What this means to you: Suffice it to say, retro space is the bar for which all retro games (any for that matter) should be held. Say hello to the newest addition to your game room.

Cost: $7150 - $8590 @ Retro Space