How a stove suits up

Fog Linen Kitchen Cloths

Listen, we’ve all said some stupid things to impress people. The only difference is that we’ve never said anything that can be disproved (go ahead, see if there’s evidence on the internet proving our uncle wasn’t the inspiration for Weekend at Bernie’s). But you. You actually told a young lady that you’re an excellent cook, and she’s called your bluff by asking to come over this weekend for dinner.

Now listen to us: you can still fix this. You can buy a cookbook. You can YouTube some instructions. You can call your mother. But be careful if you’re going to buy any of the Linen Kitchen Cloths ($15) from Japanese textile/design shop, Fog Linen.

Made in Lithuania and available in a multitude of fashion-conscious patterns, these linen kitchen towels — excuse us, cloths — would look perfect in the ultimate bro-pad kitchen (then again, so would a foosball table in lieu of the more traditional dining room table). In other words, one look at these and she’ll know you’re lying. Honestly, who cleans up Bolognese sauce with a gingham check? However, if you are going to go this route, you may as well go all out. Order the carryout from the fancy French place up the street. Do leave a mess of pans soaking in the sink, and while you’re at it, go ahead and crinkle up those fancy dish rags and toss them to the side. Don’t worry, they’re linen: those creases will hold longer than your web of lies.